My reply to scam emails

I have been posting the scam emails and my replies on fbook for a while so why not share them everywhere. Be warned I use salty, foul language in these replies.

Original email,

CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA
TINUBU SQUARE VICTORIA
ISLAND LAGOS NIGERIA
OFFICE OF THE GOVERNOR
CONTRACT #: MAV/NNPC/FGN/MIN/2012,
Swift Code: BPH KPL PK,
A/C#: 329606=101244=169=678
FOREIGN REMITTANCE


Attention; Dear contractor,

  IMMEDIATE CONTRACT PAYMENT OFFICAL CODE#70011

We Apologies, for the delay of your payment and all the Inconveniences and
Inflict that we might have indulge you through. However, we were having some
minor problems with our payment system, which is Inexplicable, and have held
us stranded and Indolent, not having the Aspiration to devote our 100%
Assiduity in accrediting foreign contract payments.

From the Records of outstanding contractors due for payment with the federal
government of Nigeria, your name and company was discovered as next on the
list of the outstanding contractors who have not yet received their payments.

I wish to inform you now that the square peg is now in square whole and can be
voguish for that your payment is being processed and will be released to you
as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from my record in my
file your outstanding contract payment is USD$10.700, 000.00 (Ten Million Seven
Hundred thousand United States dollars)

Kindly re-confirm to me the followings:

Your Full Name: _____________________________
Your Complete Address: _______________________
Name of City of Residence: _____________________
Country: ____________________________________
Direct Telephone Number: ______________________
Mobile Number: ______________________________
Age: _______________________________________
Fax Number: __________________________________
Occupation: __________________________________
Scan Copy of Identity_________________________

As soon as this information is received, your payment will be made to you by
the Diplomatic Agency or Wired Transfer into your nominated bank account
directly from central bank of Nigeria.

Best regards.

MR. LAMIDO SANUSI.
EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA


 My reply,

Regards to you good Lamido

How are things in Tattooine?

I heard you were having some trouble with the sand people and that is why my funding is being held upward.

You know when they travel they travel single file to hide there numbers. Some tracks are side by side. They are caused by storm troopers pretending to be local sand people DO NOT BE FOOLED BY THIS!   

Lamido, that sounds like love me do. Are you a Beatles fan LoveMeDo?

I'm glad you think I am an outstanding contractor, i think you re pretty terrific as well.

lamido lets get together, smoke cigars and help each other out.
When you transfer my millions I want you to come to my mansion in Quebec Ontario Canada. We can be free Lamido.
i will whisper Love me Do in your ear every night as we sit in a bathtub filled with monies.

I love how you tease me with talk about your square peg, I love the sexy talk. I'd love to wrap my circle of rope around your cylindrical neck squeeze it tight and watch your round eyes pop out of your swollen head. Does this exciting you my pet?

i will gladly give you my info Lammypoo

full name (as if you don't already know)       Mr. Honorable Phrederick k. Ballgrabber
company address                                               1 luv you street  Blue Ball Pennsylvania 20003330
country of residense                                           Nigeria (my heart is already there lamido)
                                                                               00-12-454-9231-009-887
cell #                                                                      (8907) 6-anal (its an old number from a different time lov)
Age                                                                       A lady never tells but for you anything.......8
occupation                                                          I deliver pizzas for A local pizza company, Berchims Pizza our slogan is your pizza in 4 minutes or else we
                                                                              76.00 dollars....we never make any money thankfully we also deliver crack, crank, crystal, diet pills, st.                
                                                                              Johns Wort, Diet Mountain Dew Ice, Crystal pepsi, and now Bath Salts. I love bath salts. I'm on them right now totally naked chewing on a rat I trapped in the sewer. I WILL EAT YOUR FUCKING FACE LAMIDO WHERES MY FUCKING MNEY.

LOOK INTO MY EYES YOU DEVIL. SEND ME MY MILLIONS OF DOLLARS OF I WILL SWIM THROUGH THE INDIAN OCEAN CLIMB THE HIGHEST PEAKS CRAWL THROUGH THE OUTBACK OF AUSTRALIA UNTIL I FIND YOU AND EAT YOUR SOUL.

You have 3 minutes to respond Lamido

tick tock bitch