Monday, July 16, 2012

Frustration, nervousness, sleeping badly or how i learned to embrace being poor

 Most people I am close to know that I reduced my work schedule in the past 8 months due primarily to my increased role as stay at home dad.

 Obviously I love spending all this time with the girls, its a rare treasure that we are able to swing this. Were not quite a one paycheck family because I obviously have my clients and group classes and other things that I do to bring in some cash but in reality my primary job is housekeeper.

 If we were in a slightly different financial situation and I honestly mean a slight adjustment not some HOLY SHIT WERE FUCKED! type of situation, far from it in fact. Anyway, A slight tweak would make my time at home a lot easier on my psyche.

 For a while now I have felt a bit stuck. I want to jump in and work a lot more but after crunching the numbers it would cost a hell of a lot to have 2 kids in daycare while I work. It's basically a wash so we agreed that because Danielle's job has the insurance, and benefit package I would be the one to stay home.

 I know that this is all temporary and if fact School is only 2 months away for both of the girls so this staying at home with the girls already has an end to it. Now I have to get back to where I was a little while ago.......or do I.

 Here's the newest wrinkle and it hard to admit but its true. I am a little burned out. My job isn't always fun, most people would think that working in the health and wellness world would be a lot of fun after all all you do all day is workout! The reality is that I have the task of holding the mirror up to peoples faces. When you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing then you begin to make excuses, or cancel, or tell me you are to busy, or maybe you just don't want to do it anymore but you already paid for it so you want to muddle through.

 I simply feel stuck. I want to move forward, do new things, teach more classes. I want to be all over the island with a full list of things to do but not with the girls, i tried bringing them and it's gotten to a point that I feel unprofessional bringing them. Thira is fine she just plays but Lucia is just about 2 and a handful so I do not feel right bringing her with me anymore.

 A bit of frustration to start of the week. Now on to bike rides and wading pools....what was i complaining about again?

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